This Life.

Each class at the United States Military Academy selects a motto during their first official summer at West Point to represent their class. Jeremy's class of 2006 selected George Bush's "Never falter. Never quit." to be their phrase. They were the first class to enter the academy after 9/11. In 2016, the cadets to graduate in 2020 chose their motto as "With vision, we lead." Quite comical, right? With clarity and focus, we move ahead, and we move forward.

I'm leaving 2019 behind. Albeit, we are already 21 days into the new year. More to come on my last few months in another post. However, I've been thinking about the year to come a lot lately. I don't set resolutions or goals. I don't have a "word" for my year, although I tried to be pretty on that trend years ago. This is what's been rolling around in my mind.

It's all going to be about self care this year.

I don't mind that I'm putting myself before others. I will not neglect my family. But I do need to take care of myself, in order to be the best and present for them. We travel via a plane quite often. We all know the oxygen mask drill. You need to put your mask on before assisting others. You won't be able to do much for someone else, if you aren't taking care of yourself.

What does that look like for me? I want to do the things that I enjoy during those blessed nap times, so that I am refreshed and ready for the rest of the day. I tend to burn the candle at both ends while B is asleep, which leaves me exhausted and frustrated that I didn't take time for myself. I've left a business behind because it was all too consuming. I need refreshment. -- Reading, watching TV, writing, reading again. These are the things that make me relax, and I literally have to make myself relax. It's not my natural habitat.

Now that I've got some clarity on how this year needs to be different and change, I'm ready to move forward. That 20/20 vision doesn't come natural but takes a little bit of reflection. But move forward, we shall!

I'm thankful God is faithful to lead us to places in His Word. I've never been one to play roulette during my time of study. When one book of study starts coming to a close, I begin to pray for the next book of the Bible to focus my attention. I'm one also to sometimes "miss" Jesus in things. My prayer for several days was for God to open my eyes to Jesus -- a love for Him like never before; an understanding and trust of His role in my salvation. This prayer coincided with a prayer for a new book of study.

Hebrews became where I turned my Bible to next.

I've never studied Hebrews. The opening verses always seemed to be WAY over my head. And yet, God is faithful to shed another layer and remove my skills. Hebrews is ALL ABOUT JESUS. Granted, so is the entire Bible. But God answered both prayers by turning me to Hebrews.

Jesus is God's Son and will inherit the house of God. As the one who inherits, Jesus is greater than Moses -- Jesus is the Son; Moses is the Servant. The Son or one who inherits the house is responsible for providing, protecting, leading and satisfying the house. You and I are members of the household of God, if we are believers. This new light on a familiar passage has been so refreshing.

I worry so much about the littlest things. I won't trouble you with those. But know this -- petty. Jesus is here to satisfy me and protecting me. He is not just Lord of my salvation, but He is Lord of my life. This means He rules over me. He takes care of me. He satisfies my soul and heart. Ya'll this has taken some time for me to wrap my head around, and I'm still working on that. But Jesus is Lord of my life. I understood that at the age of ten. He has saved me, is saving me, and bringing me to salvation in the final days. When I look to Him, those worries have to disappear because in my heart I trust that He is taking care of even the smallest detail of my life. I can look back and see it all in the past.. why would He abandon now? He won't.

Hebrews has been so good. I'm so thankful for the work of Christ and His being seated at the right hand of God. His work is finished!

For the sake of this blog and not knowing who is out there reading this, I'll just keep this vague and say we live near the surface of the sun.

Recently, I have found myself quite hot. I attempted to speak with a car salesman this morning around 10 AM whilst beads of sweat formed on my nose and proceeded to drip down to the very tip and fall off. Being one who has never taken to sweating much, this is new for me. Sweating in public on a large scale, that is.

It has occurred to me as of late that my strong desire to move to the South is a teachable moment in my walk of faith. Oh how I was ready to get down here when I could peer out my window and see the mighty Hudson River covered in sheets of ice! I wanted a CFA close by and warmer weather. Friends, I got what I prayed for on many levels. As of late, I've realized God's leading us to the South and answering my prayers for warmer temps can be likened to the Israelites complaining and wanting meat to eat. They got exactly what they wanted! So much so the Lord assured they would hate it because it was too much of a good thing.

I often sit and think about why God lead us here. I know we are here, in this town, for a reason. Jeremy has a job and is providing for our family. He has the necessary means to work towards his PhD. But that old saying "all that glitters isn't gold" seems to be on my heart right now. From afar this is where we so desperately wanted to be. Without going into too much detail, I now wish we were closer to family and friends and a Target (kidding). God has shown me just how much I need to trust Him in His general leading of our lives.

This does not mean I think we shouldn't be here. I don't believe we are outside of God's will, as some may say. God's will is where I am right now because He is in control of my life. And while this hasn't been the easiest place I've lived, I do believe He is showing me constantly what it means to rely on Him and being content. Those are two doozies, trust me.

And so, sometimes too much of a good thing is just that. It's a good thing!

Social media has done something ugly. We all know it. We even talk about it. But we fail to really do anything about it.

What was once just a look across the classroom and being envious of someone's outfit has now been brought to a platform that is forever in front of our faces. We know what our friends are doing at any given moment -- but within reason, as long as they post something about it.

We see the size of others and their abs or how they look in a bathing suit. We can see their stylish and updated new kitchens or the meal they labored for their family. We may know them, or we might not. We can easily find our favorite reality star's Insta-story or some random chick who lives in California that we just like.

Jeremy picked us up from the airport yesterday evening, quite late, from an extended visit to South Carolina. While in SC I had several discussions with my mom about our home church. There is such familiarity and comfort in our church being "just around the block", literally. I talked of my desire to be more involved and committed to our church. I spoke of the same things to Jeremy, as we drove home.

I am the most committed person I know.

Today, I am thirty five.