This Life.

Jeremy picked us up from the airport yesterday evening, quite late, from an extended visit to South Carolina. While in SC I had several discussions with my mom about our home church. There is such familiarity and comfort in our church being "just around the block", literally. I talked of my desire to be more involved and committed to our church. I spoke of the same things to Jeremy, as we drove home.

I am the most committed person I know.

In fact, when the bestie and I hosted numerous parties in seminaries, I just hated the "Maybe" button. Like "WHY CAN'T YOU SAY YES!"

However, lately I've been the least committal. I'm being the people I don't like dealing with. I want someone who is all in, ready to go. Yet, I've not been her. Serving in our church has been at the forefront of my mind since moving here. I've always served in my church. I love it, and at the same time I can be found taking on too many roles. It's a balance of sorts. Yet, since moving to MS, I've found it difficult to be involved in the capacity that I am used to because we leave further away from our church. Serving in our church will take on a different look in this season of life and will be limited to Sunday mornings.

This is where I've not been committed. I want to do something in other capacities. I want to do this and that and help here and there, but I have a sweet little babe/toddler that requires my attention at those times.

And that's when it hit me least night, while talking and riding toward home.

Serving and my non-committal self, as of late, has been about me. It's been more about what I wanted to do and where I wanted to serve, rather than where was needed and what was appropriate for this season. While I was single, I had plenty of time to give of myself to various areas and roles. I was doing women's ministry, Sunday School, children's church and small group -- all at the same time. Clearly, I had some time. Yet, serving and ministry are a little different now. This is exactly what Paul is referring to in 1 Cor. 7:32ff. While I can certainly serve in the church when we are there on Sundays, my new ministry is my husband and little girl. My season for serving the church in many capacities was during singleness; it looks differently now.

I know this may not seem revelatory to some, but for me it changed my entire perspective. I don't have to work so hard to serve in a massive capacity in the church. I can serve where I can, when I can. And my greatest ministry is here -- within these four walls.