This Life.

Today, I am thirty five.



Thirty never seemed like a big deal. For some reason, the weight hit me last night when I realized today I would be thirty five. It was like I finally realized I'm an adult. Don't get me wrong. I've been an adult for quite some time. I haven't lived under the financial care of my parents since I was 18 -- minus the car insurance they covered.  Though Bayley was alive and well last year, she is now a little mover and shaker --- we are responsible for making so many decisions for her. That's not necessarily a sign of being an adult, but for me it is. I am in charge of someone else's life. The giving of self for another is tough and refining and sweet. She is my gift.

This past year has been much for teaching about contentment and my lack thereof. Ever so gracefully, the Lord has pushed me to recognize that it's not Him -- it's me. Sounds like a bad breakup, right? Thirty four pushed me in a way that left me finally recognizing that I have not been the one to dwell and accept the portion given to me. I love being a mom and a wife, but I have longed to be near family. If you've had a conversation with me at all, you know this to be true. As I turn the corner toward a new year, I am grateful for what lies ahead. I hope to make this place home. We have much to be thankful for.

My prayer is to live in the moment rather than always looking forward. I desire to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and be in His Word. I want to relax and rest and not be so Martha-like. I want to learn a few new things -- things I never would allow myself to do out of fear of failure. Now is the time. I want to worry less about my size and calories. I want to sit in the sun and read until I can't.

These days are brief. They are momentary. They point us to a greater reality.

I am thankful for thirty five and the year to come!