This Life.

The Thankful Leper

Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance  and called out in a loud voice, 'Jesus, Master, have pity on us!' When he saw them, he said, 'Go, show yourselves to the priests.' And as they went, they were cleansed. One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him -- and he was a Samaritan. Jesus asked, 'Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?' Then he said to him, 'Rise and go; your faith has made you well.'" (Luke 17:11-19, NIV)

 Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

Here I am three years into this thing. This thing -- parenthood. And while, I would consider myself one who has diligently prayed over and prayed with my child. I feel certain there is more I could do. Not one to condemn myself but solely landing on conviction here.

I would say the events of the last year or so have really opened my eyes beyond what I'm dealing with on a daily basis. No longer just occupied with the refilling of snacks and potty training, there's something larger going on in our world that will effect my girls, our girls for years to come. I don't shy away from the sinful condition of man's heart. I see it in my own toddler day in and day out. I see it in my selfishness for time to myself and the way I can snap back at the people I love the most. And yet, sin doesn't just exist in our family, but it is the state of our depraved world. Yet, where sin entered. The Savior came. 

 It probably went something like this, "Why does this have to be my thorn?' I'm pretty sure that's how it went. Jeremy was sitting at his home office desk. The same place he has been sitting at for the last year. I was walking out the side door to the garage more than likely to play with kinetic sand and a rousing game of baking championship. We really love that game, by the way.

Have you ever wondering why God gave you the thorn that He gave you? Thorns, even. I certainly do often. It seems those thorns reappear faster than I can prune them. But that's this Christian life, right? I don't know much about gardening. I really know nothing at all. In fact, last year when my friend Mary Hunter came over to walk she thought my potted flowers had been attacked by dogs. Nope. Just my black thumb. We laughed and went about our walk. I wasn't offended. BUT. I do know pruning is required for more growth. So, as soon as these weeds are trimmed and thorns are clipped, I often breath a sigh of relief, and then they rear their ugly head again.

So, what's my thorn?

Doubt. I've shared pretty openly before about my own doubt in the Christian faith. My line of thinking can often seem downright blasphemous to me. -- Am I counted righteous? What is righteousness? Why do I need Christ to be counted righteous? Why do I need to even be righteous? And then, Is there even a God? This pattern of thinking has been cyclic. A bad cycle. There have been a lot of tears and questioning. Frustrations -- How could I doubt the thing, the faith I've centered my entire life around?

Jeremy is always quick to remind me of Peter. When Jesus asked the disciples if they wanted to go away too (go away and not follow Him), Peter responded with: "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life..." John 6:68. The Holy Spirit is quick to guide my prayers to the Father -- I'm praying for understanding. The ONE I'm turning to at every given moment is Him.

While I haven't always liked this thorn, not even a little, it's "growing" on me. I'm trusting the Father with this thorn He has given. It's a good thorn. The stories of Peter and John the Baptist and Mary, the Patriarchs, and even Jesus. These are the stories - His Word- that solidify my faith. It's not faith in faith, but faith in the God who creates and sustains my very being. He knows what I need, and He knows that in order for me to grow I need to lean on Him and dissect what it is I truly believe. 

Yes, it's a good thorn. It's a thorn to be thankful for -- because in being thankful for and having this thorn, I'm driven to Him. And thus, He is glorified. 

If you struggle with doubt, take heart. HE is growing you.

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?" He said to him, "Yes Lord; you know that I love you." He said to him, "Feed my lambs." 

John 21

For Easter, I've been slowly making my way through LifeWay's Easter study - Behold Your King. Always desiring to have a full belly from the entirety of the study, I am reminded Truth comes in nuggets. There are parts of books and studies that will stick out more than others. The story of Peter's restoration is one such example.