A New and Old Beginning
Monday, June 8, 2020
Tonight my Monday nights are going to start looking normal again. My time 8/7 Central time slot during the summer months has always been filled with my viewing of "The Bachelorette." This show is more than just twenty-five contestants vying for the attention of a man or woman. It's always been ten or more girls gathered around a television, offering commentary, sharing a meal, sharing our lives in between commercial breaks. This is what my Monday nights looked like when I first began writing a blog. And tonight, this special time slot in my life will be filled with recaps from my favorite seasons. It feels like a little bit of normalcy is returning to my life.
These Unprecedented Times
Sunday, April 19, 2020
Unprecedented times.
I'm not sure my skin has ever crawled more. I hear it on the daily news reports. We hear it said in presidential and governor briefings. And, every television advertisement in between utters those two little words. Unprecedented times.
I'm sure I get chills because these two words are the mark of this season we are in. I, personally, was caught off guard. Six weeks ago I was in South Carolina spending time with my family. We went shopping. We ate in restaurants. We had a great time. The Friday of that week we made our way down Interstate-20 to return to home. Bayley and I stopped at every Chickfila the route had to offer. It was as if with each state we blazed through, corona was taking its toll just as quickly. We went from one state where we received trays with our food -- to the next where we were only served bags. And not to mention, the explanation to a sweet little toddler that her beloved playground was shut down for cleaning. Then it went to just a drive-thru, and like that, all things had changed. I know this is such a poor example, but I can't help but be astonished at how quickly things changed in the instant of a single cross-South road trip.
I want to remember this time. I want to remember my frustrations over telling my sweet girl she couldn't go to school. I want to remember how sad I was for college athletes and seniors not seeing an end to their time at college. I needed closure. I'm a stickler for some closure. I hated seeing my favorite Today Show hosts operating from separate places. I want to remember how badly I wanted to walk the aisles of Hobby Lobby and have an Easter egg hunt for my girl.
But somewhere in the middle of all this, something changed in me. It wasn't super significant. It wasn't a shout-it-from-the-rooftop type deal. But ever so slowly things are changing. I do believe the words of my pastor are true. I'll have to paraphrase. But basically Pastor Greg said, God is using this time to pry us away from this world -- to turn us to eternity.
Yes. Maybe that's it.
The things of this world --- The places I frequent on the regular that have been taken away from me are no longer an issue. I whined and complained for a week or so. I even mourned. But those things have lost some of their importance because they don't matter. We've enjoyed the slower days. We've enjoyed not having to be anywhere. Though many are sick and have been affected by this virus, God is gaining glory as we are being humbled and pried away from the things we hold dear in this world.
It's not easy; that much is sure. But slowly, ever so slowly, we are being prepared for our eternal home.
We live in unprecedented times for a sure and final future.
Red Heart Balloon Complex
Friday, February 14, 2020
It was 7th period. Home economics.
It was my first year in Junior High, and my first year to understand what love really meant -- It took the form of a red-foil heart shaped balloon.
A club set up a booth in the cafeteria for the week with balloons for purchase. You could purchase said balloon and delivery for a set fee - minimal - compared to the extravagance of delivering something so earth-shattering to the one you love.
I had all of these hopes and expectations that a secret love interest would reveal himself to me during 7th period to the tune of a red hear balloon.
Alas, the day arrived. Friday - Valentine's Day.
Whilst learning how to make a pancake (I'm sure...), balloons began to arrive at the door. It was a knock and then a creek of the door and then a name and then a balloon appeared. The teacher would slowly walk the balloon to the recipient. Here I was -- Waiting. Patiently - for my moment. Knock after knock. Mind you, the club was not organized enough to deliver all balloons at one time. Nope. It just delayed the inevitable with each knock. There was no secret love. There was no balloon. The bell rang.
For the heart of a seventh grade girl with all her hopes and dreams pinned on this balloon, well, it was quite devastating. I laugh about that day now, but I realize how tender my heart was for acceptance and love of a fella at a very young age. Looking back I see how God's grace kept me. He showed me early on that His love was not in the form of a balloon that would deflate but was in the form of His Son coming and dying for me.
Oh how thankful I am that I don't have to worry about red hearted shaped balloons anymore. I don't want to revisit that day again. The complex is real, y'all.
Happy Valentine's Day!!
It was my first year in Junior High, and my first year to understand what love really meant -- It took the form of a red-foil heart shaped balloon.
A club set up a booth in the cafeteria for the week with balloons for purchase. You could purchase said balloon and delivery for a set fee - minimal - compared to the extravagance of delivering something so earth-shattering to the one you love.
I had all of these hopes and expectations that a secret love interest would reveal himself to me during 7th period to the tune of a red hear balloon.
Alas, the day arrived. Friday - Valentine's Day.
Whilst learning how to make a pancake (I'm sure...), balloons began to arrive at the door. It was a knock and then a creek of the door and then a name and then a balloon appeared. The teacher would slowly walk the balloon to the recipient. Here I was -- Waiting. Patiently - for my moment. Knock after knock. Mind you, the club was not organized enough to deliver all balloons at one time. Nope. It just delayed the inevitable with each knock. There was no secret love. There was no balloon. The bell rang.
For the heart of a seventh grade girl with all her hopes and dreams pinned on this balloon, well, it was quite devastating. I laugh about that day now, but I realize how tender my heart was for acceptance and love of a fella at a very young age. Looking back I see how God's grace kept me. He showed me early on that His love was not in the form of a balloon that would deflate but was in the form of His Son coming and dying for me.
Oh how thankful I am that I don't have to worry about red hearted shaped balloons anymore. I don't want to revisit that day again. The complex is real, y'all.
Happy Valentine's Day!!
A Treadmill and A Cloud and Staying
Wednesday, February 12, 2020
The dwelling of the Lord - Numbers 9
Yesterday, while running on the treadmill I came to Numbers 9 in my chronological reading of the Bible. Yes, I was running and reading. I do it quite well, actually. After a list of duties and camp assignments for each of the tribes of Israel, we come to a few verses describing God's direction and dwelling over the Tent of Meeting.
Numbers 9: 15-ff explains the dwelling of the Lord will be in the form of a cloud by day and fire by night over the Tent of Meeting. If the Israelites are to remain in a particular location, the cloud remains. When they are to move, the cloud is raised. This is a sign to the Israelite community that God would have them move to the next location. They may remain in one spot for a few hours, weeks, or months. However, they would not move until the cloud was lifted. This was God's direction.
I began to think, while running (now that can be quite dangerous), about how I have always been rather antsy to move on to the next thing. I would so much say it is a "grass is greener on the other side-type-view" but rather an acknowledgment that the current location isn't permanent.
College was 4.5 years. Seminary was a guaranteed 3 years, albeit I stayed WAY longer in Raleigh than I ever intended. West Point was a set 2 years. And here was are in MS. The Israelites were not to move until the Lord led them somewhere else. Ya'll this has been the entire second half of my life. Not the waiting.. but the wrestling of what is next.
Why is it that we wrestle God for the next thing? We may not have a visible cloud telling us "hey, this is it. This is where I have you," but we do have His Spirit within us. I was challenged by the cloud of God's presence on many levels:
1) God was with them and hadn't left; God is with me and hasn't left.
2) Remaining is obedience. Not wrestling.
3) God wanted to be with them -- and me -- and you.
4) It is in the staying, though we are still waiting for His next direction, that we continue to grow closer to the ones He has put around us. And thus,
5) "Where you are.. be all there." I do believe Jim Elliot said it best.
This is nothing profound I assure you. But this is how God uses a treadmill and scripture to speak to an often hard heart.
"With Vision We Lead."
Wednesday, January 22, 2020
Each class at the United States Military Academy selects a motto during their first official summer at West Point to represent their class. Jeremy's class of 2006 selected George Bush's "Never falter. Never quit." to be their phrase. They were the first class to enter the academy after 9/11. In 2016, the cadets to graduate in 2020 chose their motto as "With vision, we lead." Quite comical, right? With clarity and focus, we move ahead, and we move forward.
I'm leaving 2019 behind. Albeit, we are already 21 days into the new year. More to come on my last few months in another post. However, I've been thinking about the year to come a lot lately. I don't set resolutions or goals. I don't have a "word" for my year, although I tried to be pretty on that trend years ago. This is what's been rolling around in my mind.
It's all going to be about self care this year.
I don't mind that I'm putting myself before others. I will not neglect my family. But I do need to take care of myself, in order to be the best and present for them. We travel via a plane quite often. We all know the oxygen mask drill. You need to put your mask on before assisting others. You won't be able to do much for someone else, if you aren't taking care of yourself.
What does that look like for me? I want to do the things that I enjoy during those blessed nap times, so that I am refreshed and ready for the rest of the day. I tend to burn the candle at both ends while B is asleep, which leaves me exhausted and frustrated that I didn't take time for myself. I've left a business behind because it was all too consuming. I need refreshment. -- Reading, watching TV, writing, reading again. These are the things that make me relax, and I literally have to make myself relax. It's not my natural habitat.
Now that I've got some clarity on how this year needs to be different and change, I'm ready to move forward. That 20/20 vision doesn't come natural but takes a little bit of reflection. But move forward, we shall!
I'm leaving 2019 behind. Albeit, we are already 21 days into the new year. More to come on my last few months in another post. However, I've been thinking about the year to come a lot lately. I don't set resolutions or goals. I don't have a "word" for my year, although I tried to be pretty on that trend years ago. This is what's been rolling around in my mind.
It's all going to be about self care this year.
I don't mind that I'm putting myself before others. I will not neglect my family. But I do need to take care of myself, in order to be the best and present for them. We travel via a plane quite often. We all know the oxygen mask drill. You need to put your mask on before assisting others. You won't be able to do much for someone else, if you aren't taking care of yourself.
What does that look like for me? I want to do the things that I enjoy during those blessed nap times, so that I am refreshed and ready for the rest of the day. I tend to burn the candle at both ends while B is asleep, which leaves me exhausted and frustrated that I didn't take time for myself. I've left a business behind because it was all too consuming. I need refreshment. -- Reading, watching TV, writing, reading again. These are the things that make me relax, and I literally have to make myself relax. It's not my natural habitat.
Now that I've got some clarity on how this year needs to be different and change, I'm ready to move forward. That 20/20 vision doesn't come natural but takes a little bit of reflection. But move forward, we shall!
Temporary Salvation
Friday, August 23, 2019
And being made perfect, He became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey Him...
Hebrews 5:9
Noticeably there are things in my life that I like to hold onto, if you will. Areas of control. Areas of angst and worry. Areas of angst and worried fueled by my desire for control. When those areas of life seem to be getting out of control, I resort to something close by to ease my mind -- a Coke, a coffee, spending money, pouring myself into a house chore, starting this business I'm working on, etc. You get the picture. I use one thing to substitute for another.
During nap time today, I was reading in Hebrews and was caught on verse 9 of Chapter 5. He became eternal salvation for all who obey. Wow. You always know that Jesus has offered eternal salvation, but for some reason eternal stood out to me. I began to think of the opposite of eternal, which is temporary. I grab so quickly for temporary salvation. What will save me in this moment? What will make me happy right this minute? What will satisfy my weariness, my feelings of being unworthy/not enough -- What?
We all have our answers. We have our temporary salvations that black out the majesty of eternal salvation. We have temporary salvations that ease the moment but never provide that lasting nourishment that He alone promises. We have our quick fixes, our guilty pleasures. But none of these -- not even a glass of Coke -- can offer the salvation we desperately need.
He is rest for the weary soul because He is eternal. He overcomes the temporary by giving us joy, peace and rest for the troubled heart. He is Jesus.
Hebrews
Tuesday, August 13, 2019
I'm thankful God is faithful to lead us to places in His Word. I've never been one to play roulette during my time of study. When one book of study starts coming to a close, I begin to pray for the next book of the Bible to focus my attention. I'm one also to sometimes "miss" Jesus in things. My prayer for several days was for God to open my eyes to Jesus -- a love for Him like never before; an understanding and trust of His role in my salvation. This prayer coincided with a prayer for a new book of study.
Hebrews became where I turned my Bible to next.
I've never studied Hebrews. The opening verses always seemed to be WAY over my head. And yet, God is faithful to shed another layer and remove my skills. Hebrews is ALL ABOUT JESUS. Granted, so is the entire Bible. But God answered both prayers by turning me to Hebrews.
Jesus is God's Son and will inherit the house of God. As the one who inherits, Jesus is greater than Moses -- Jesus is the Son; Moses is the Servant. The Son or one who inherits the house is responsible for providing, protecting, leading and satisfying the house. You and I are members of the household of God, if we are believers. This new light on a familiar passage has been so refreshing.
I worry so much about the littlest things. I won't trouble you with those. But know this -- petty. Jesus is here to satisfy me and protecting me. He is not just Lord of my salvation, but He is Lord of my life. This means He rules over me. He takes care of me. He satisfies my soul and heart. Ya'll this has taken some time for me to wrap my head around, and I'm still working on that. But Jesus is Lord of my life. I understood that at the age of ten. He has saved me, is saving me, and bringing me to salvation in the final days. When I look to Him, those worries have to disappear because in my heart I trust that He is taking care of even the smallest detail of my life. I can look back and see it all in the past.. why would He abandon now? He won't.
Hebrews has been so good. I'm so thankful for the work of Christ and His being seated at the right hand of God. His work is finished!
Hebrews became where I turned my Bible to next.
I've never studied Hebrews. The opening verses always seemed to be WAY over my head. And yet, God is faithful to shed another layer and remove my skills. Hebrews is ALL ABOUT JESUS. Granted, so is the entire Bible. But God answered both prayers by turning me to Hebrews.
Jesus is God's Son and will inherit the house of God. As the one who inherits, Jesus is greater than Moses -- Jesus is the Son; Moses is the Servant. The Son or one who inherits the house is responsible for providing, protecting, leading and satisfying the house. You and I are members of the household of God, if we are believers. This new light on a familiar passage has been so refreshing.
I worry so much about the littlest things. I won't trouble you with those. But know this -- petty. Jesus is here to satisfy me and protecting me. He is not just Lord of my salvation, but He is Lord of my life. This means He rules over me. He takes care of me. He satisfies my soul and heart. Ya'll this has taken some time for me to wrap my head around, and I'm still working on that. But Jesus is Lord of my life. I understood that at the age of ten. He has saved me, is saving me, and bringing me to salvation in the final days. When I look to Him, those worries have to disappear because in my heart I trust that He is taking care of even the smallest detail of my life. I can look back and see it all in the past.. why would He abandon now? He won't.
Hebrews has been so good. I'm so thankful for the work of Christ and His being seated at the right hand of God. His work is finished!
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